Me vs. House Centipedes （蚰蜒vs.私）

I did not know what a house centipede even was until about three years ago. I had made a midnight snack of popcorn soup (which is buttered popcorn with like 4 teaspoons of extra butter melted over it) and went back downstairs to throw away the kernels. Our big trashcan is in the laundry room, along with where our Yorkie, Jack, sleeps at night.

3年間くらい前まで、ゲジゲジの存在を知らなかった。ある夜、部屋から下の階にポップコーンの残りを捨てて行った。ゴミ箱は洗濯機と同じ部屋にある。母さんの飼ってるワンちゃん（ジャック）のベッドもある。

So when I got to the doorway of the laundry room, the lights were off and I could see Jack looking up at me, since his bed is right next to the door anyway. Usually I can see well enough to just walk in and throw something away really quickly, but SOMETHING told me to turn the light on.

部屋の戸口で立って、暗さの中でジャックの姿を見えた。普通にその部屋が暗いのに、灯を点かず、早く何かを捨てて出る。この時、頭の中の声が「灯を点くべき」と言い聞かされた。

I did.

灯点いた。

What I saw was something I had literally never seen before in my entire life.

見た物は人生の中で始めた。

[BRACE YOURSELF]

【怖いよ！心を準備して！】

Since it was the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake everyone up, I suppressed the violent scream that wanted to come out. Instead, I looked at Jack and hissed, "JACK. WHAT IS THAT."

夜中だったから、含み叫んじゃった。ジャックに向いて、「ジャック！いったい何じゃそりゃ？！」と必死にささやいた。

I had a brief thought that it was some kind of mutation or that aliens had invaded our planet in this tiny scary ass form, and I stood there trying to come to terms with what I was seeing.
一瞬、虫変異体または地球を侵略してるちっちゃ宇宙人かと思った。

I backed up slowly so it wouldn't run off, and moved to find some kind of bug spray. The only lethal thing I could find (that I wasn't afraid of myself like Draino) was a squirt bottle of like, Lemon Pledge or something for cleaning furniture.
ゲジゲジが逃げないように、殺虫剤を探すに洗濯室からゆっくり腰を引けた。Lemon Pledgeというウッドクリーナーしか見つけられなかった。

When I came back to the laundry room, it was GONE. I felt a wave of terror and got down on my hands and knees to look for it. I'm not sure why I was that brave because for all I know it could have spit sulfuric acid or something.
洗濯室へ戻った時、ゲジゲジはもうどっか行っちゃった。マジ怖かったけど、這いつくばって、洗濯機の下を見た。何でそんな勇気が出られたのか全く分からない。硫酸を吐いたらヤバかったのね。

I found it hiding beneath the dryer and immediately began to spray it viciously with the Lemon Pledge. It crawled out, sending me jumping to my feet faster than I'd ever moved, and started running around the laundry room crazily. I danced around, spraying while it ran, but it was smart and shot behind Jack's pen. I pulled the whole thing away from the wall with my poor confused dog inside of it and gunned the thing down with the Pledge.
乾燥機の下に発見してすぐLemon Pledgeを吹いた。ゲジゲジは下から出て、パニックして走り回った。私もパニックして逃げ回りながらLemon Pledgeを激しく吹いた。で、ゲジゲジがジャックのベッドの裏に隠したから、壁からベッドを引き離して、またPledgeを激しく吹いた。

Soon, it was lying still in a puddle of yellow. Satisfied I'd killed it, I of course left it there for my dad and left Jack in the middle of the laundry room and ran upstairs to hide in my room.
戦争後、ゲジゲジが黄色水たまりにじっと横たわっていた。その状態のままで、洗濯室から逃げて、部屋に匿った。

Years later, I discovered that house centipedes eat my sworn enemy: cockroaches. Now, I leave them alone to clean the house of the creepy bastards.
数年後、ゲジゲジがゴキブリを食べる事を発見した。今、放っておく。

Why I Hate Cockroaches

If I were to list my top five fears, #1 being the hugest, they would be:
もしトップ５恐れるものをリストすれば、次のようになる：

5. Being forced to make a difficult decision（大事の決定を決められなきゃ）
4. Have a vehicle hit me on my bicycle so that I flip over the guard rail and fall into Tama River（自転車に乗っている時、車が私にぶつかって、多摩川の中に飛び込む）
3. Throwing up, witnessing someone else throw up, or being thrown up on（全部の吐く事）
2. Extremely deep, dark, and scary water (oceans, rivers, lakes, wells, deep buckets, etc)（暗くて、深い水、例：海、川、池、井）
1. Cockroaches being within 20 feet of me （ゴキブリ）

"Those are all somewhat legitimate fears," you're probably thinking. Everyone in their right mind (besides entomologists) hates cockroaches. Without a doubt in my mind they were the original inhabitants of this planet and then we showed up so they've been pissed ever since and want to get their revenge my repulsing us with their existence as often as possible. Even if your cat brings a dead one to you, its still like THE FACT YOU KILLED ONE MEANS IT WAS /NEARBY/ IN THE FIRST PLACE
皆さんは「それはまあまあ妥当な恐怖かな」と思ってるはず。ほとんどの人（昆虫学者以外）はゴキブリ嫌いでしょう？地球のもともとの種だから、人間は地球に来た時から恨みを抱いてると思っている。そして、ゴキブリの復讐はいつでもどこでも人間をいやがらせる事。もし猫がゴキブリの死体を持ってくれば、まずは私はゴキブリが近くにいたんだなと思う。

So throughout my life I've had many experiences with these ancient beasts and my experiences seem to never lessen because even if I'm freaking talking about a cockroach they somehow know and they come find me.
だから人生の中で、ゴキブリの経験いっぱいある。もしゴキブリについて話せば、絶対に出てくる。

I think what began this fear is when, in high school, there was a small cockroach in my house, running around the kitchen. My mom asked my help in trying to at least corner it. Since childhood my mom has been a clean freak, so seeing a cockroach in our house was not only totally gross but also wounding to her pride in some way, I'd imagine. 

この恐怖の初め頃は高校時代と思う。キッチンの床で、小さなゴキブリが走り回っていた。母さんは子供頃から潔癖性だから、家の中のゴキブリは恥。私と母さんはゴキブリを追い込んで殺そうとした。

We chased it all over the place. In my hometown of Memphis, Tennessee, our typical cockroach (who we for some reason call the Palmetto Bug as though trying to mask its real identity) is enormous, slow, and stupid. The smaller kinds are fast and smart, and that's the kind that we were dealing with. We eventually chased it into the laundry room and it ran behind a wicker hamper.

あちこちに追いかけた。自分の出身（テネシー州のメンフィス市）で、普通のゴキブリはアメリカンゴキブリという種族（世界中で一番大きいゴキブリ）。このゴキブリは頭悪くて、遅い虫。今回のゴキブリは小さくて、頭良くて、早い虫。ランドリールームにまで追いかけたけど、ゴキブリはランドリーバスケットの後ろに隠れた。

While discussing the best approach to either a) shoot it with a rifle or b) locate bug spray, my mom noticed that the cockroach was WATCHING us. This incredibly smart and horrifying creature was peeking around the side of the hamper at us. I think I must have blacked out from terror because I don't remember at all how we took care of that shit.

どのようにして殺すかに話しながら、ゴキブリは私たちをジロジロ見てた。ものすごく怖かったから、それから何も覚えてない。

This incident planted a small seed of fear into my mind, but I soon forgot about it. It wasn't until another experience at a horse show (back when I competed), when I saw one that was at least 3 inches in length land on another girl's back and crawl all the way across it before flying off again, that my fear was reborn.

その出来事の後、ゴキブリの事をすぐに忘れたけど、また次の出来事は馬術競技会であった。そこで8センチくらいでかいゴキブリを見た。

That's when my mind connected cockroach + on someone's body = what if it was on my body

その時、「ゴキブリが着陸した人は私だったら、いったいどうしよう？」 かと思った。

what would i do
how would i continue living after that
how would i get it off
what if it i couldn't get it off 

どうしよう？

私死ぬんじゃないかしら

どうやって払い落とせば？ 

もし払い落とせなかったら、どうしよう？

From then on I could only imagine that if one ever touched me I would have to ignite myself to find peace with the world again. It was bad enough being down in Fairhope, Alabama where flying cockroaches like to dive bomb pedestrians at night.

それから、もしゴキブリが私を触ったら、 自分に火をつけるしかない。

Since these formative years of breeding cockroach phobia deep, deep into my psyche, I've had many more experiences of Me vs Cockroaches, but these are all very long and best saved for separate entries. 

その頃後、私のゴキブリ恐怖症は強くなった。

STAY TUNED FOR...（次をお楽しみに）

Bathtub Cockroach（お風呂場ゴキブリ）
Cockroach Ambush（ゴキブリ現れた）
Super Human Cockroach（超人ゴキブリ）

and other insect related anecdotes such as...（他の虫関係の話）

Spider Nightmares（蜘蛛悪夢）
Hector the Dead Bee（蜂死体のヘクター）
The Devil（サタン）
Me vs House Centipedes（蚰蜒vs.私）

Meguro Moth（目黒の蛾）
Why Do We Live in the Same Dimension as Camel Crickets（なぜカマドウマと同じディメンションに住んでるの？）

and other non-bug related stories.（それと虫関係ない話）